To this day "God" is the name by which I designate all things which cross my willful path violently and recklessly, all things which upset my subjective views, plans and intentions, and change the course of my life for better or for worse. C.G. Jung, 1955 ________________________________________________________   (22) Ejection Fraction There was nothing my will could do to escape the flow of despair that enveloped me after the heart attack. I was told that, as a result of the heart damage, there was now a 50% reduction in my heart’s capacity to pump blood efficiently, the so-called “ejection fraction” of the heart. This reduced efficiency manifested itself in the frequent sensation of some kind of internal backflow in my heart, a very disquieting whooshing and swooshing. As when I first experienced the PVCs, these sensations triggered intense anxiety and convinced me that I was on the verge of dying or having another heart attack. Making these drawings was the only activity that brought me relief. After completing each drawing, I felt as if some burden had been lifted, as if something had been changed within. The drawings didn’t do a hell of a lot to improve my ejection fraction, but they improved my spirits. This is not what I had planned for my life.  There was nothing my will could do to escape the flow of despair that enveloped me after the heart attack. March 7, 2007