This life of separateness may be compared to a dream, a phantasm, a bubble, a shadow, a drop of dew, a flash of lightning.   Buddha  ca. 480 BC ___________________________________________________________________   (21) Struck by Lightning   Of all the possible similes one could use to convey the feeling of a heart attack, the best to me is what I imagine it would be like to be struck by lightning. It is sudden, it is intense, it is overpowering, and it is absolutely frightening. When the heart attack struck me, it demolished any illusions that I was in control of my future, and it provided overwhelming and irrefutable evidence that there are forces at hand that can eradicate me in a flash. After the heart attack, I missed the comfort of my former illusions: that my future extended indefinitely, and that the world I occupied was a safe and benevolent place. The heart attack increased my feeling of separateness. I felt isolated. The rest of the world went on as usual, and I was left lying in bed, looking out the window, trying to come to grips with what had happened. I could resign myself to my own death, but I could not accept the idea of leaving my wife and child alone. I tried to think of myself as being One with the Universe, but I found no solace in that concept. It felt like just another empty philosophical Hakuna Matata: Don’t worry, be enlightened. A flash of lightning split and separated my Universe.   March 6, 2007